Demon Knight

We’ve talked about Billy Zane in these posts, and we’ve talked about Tales From The Crypt movies in these posts. And as eloquently written as those posts were, we realize it left you wanting more. You were thinking “We LOVE Billy Zane as much as you. Can’t we see more of him?” and “Is there anyone better than Dennis Miller to star in a Tales From The Crypt movie?” Well, we are proud to say that the answer of both of those questions is a resounding YES. Yes there is a more suited man to be the star of a Crypt Keeper-driven vehicle, and yes, that man is none other than THE Billy Zane. This wonderful marriage of over-the-top machismo and gory, colorful special effects is a little piece of cinema heaven called DEMON KNIGHT.

By this point in time, we all know what Billy Zane is about. He’s the guy who uses his charming smile and debonair attitude to get away with doing pretty much anything he wants. He’s exempt from reading lines, developing a flair for character, rehearsing, or even conversing with his fellow actors between takes. The bottom line is that Billy Zane does what Billy Zane wants, and the way he sees it, we are all better people for having witnessed Billy Zane do what Billy Zane does best—be Billy Zane. It doesn’t matter what character he is cast as, either. A superhero, a rich fiancé, a politician….and in this particular case, EVIL. That’s right, evil. It’s never really clarified if he is the devil, or if he is a demon, or maybe even the grim reaper. He is sometimes referred to as “the collector”. All we know is that Billy Zane is trying to get William Sadler, because William Sadler has in his possession the flask of magic glowing green juice that we first saw in Bordello of Blood.

The directors repeatedly told Billy Zane to go into wardrobe and find something EVIL, but all he heard them say was "Sweet-ass Cowboy Costume."

William Sadler plays Brayker, a renegade with a secret who is quickly holed up in what seems to be the last (and only) resort around. It is a hotel that we soon find is full of a who’s who of horror movie stereotypes. We have Irene, the older, heavier black proprietor of the establishment, her employee/possible daughter Jerryline, who handles the oddjobs and the cooking, the hooker with the heart of gold, Cordelia, the timid man who is in love with the hooker, the town drunk, Uncle Willy, and last but not least, Thomas Hayden Church, the scumbag of the movie, appropriately named Roach.

The first few minutes of this film lead us to believe that Billy Zane is the hero and that Brayker is the villain, but Billy Zane almost immediately ruins that theory by beheading one police officer and ripping the heart out of the other’s chest, using his bare hands, of course. It is at that point we were amazed to discover that Billy Zane was EVIL!

Over the course of the next hour and a half or so, Billy Zane tries to get into the house (that is guarded by the magic green juice), by individually seducing each member of our beloved motley crue. He tells the stripper that she is beautiful, he tells Roach that he ought to be the leader of the group sicne he is the manliest of all of them, he offers Uncle Willy a party room full of booze and half-naked chicks. Finally, he comes back to the usual “F This. It’s Billy Zane Time!” and just rips Irene’s arm out of the socket and punches the timid man’s head off, before finally unleashing a horde of demons that kinda look like the Violator monsters from the Spawn comic book.

Eventually we are down to Billy Zane versus Jerryline, and during an awkward scene that we are sure was not meant to make the final cut, Billy Zane decides to dance with her instead of kill her (we can hear him now “These people paid good money to see Billy Zane, and when you pay to see Billy Zane, you are gonna get dancing, dammit!”), Jerryline manages to ultimately succeed (How, you ask? Watch the movie!) and destroy the collector…..or so we think.

As with most movies starring Billy Zane, you don’t really know how to take the ending. We aren’t sure if it was intentional, or if Billy Zane just showed up the next day and demanded to continue being filmed. Either way, the three of us are still eagerly awaiting Demon Knight 2!

"Y'all wasn't serious 'bout killing off ol' Billy Zane, were you? I thought maybe you were joking, so here I am. "